ReinItIn!!

Photos are taken by ReinItIn.. I just played around with them a bit.

Unusual feeling..

This post probably wont make any sense.. I give up even trying..

Today has been weird.. I guess. I stayed in bed until 11:30am.. I don't even think I have gotten up to use the washroom yet..

I just feel so blah.. I should be calling a few people today to get things figured out.. but I can't even pick up the phone. Actually just tried calling and there was no answer.. I don't know what to do. I should also call Major Dan.. but scared to go talk to him now.

I have already taken a seroquel and it's only 1pm.. this isn't good. I feel so tired, It doesn't make sense.

Stupid loss of words.. need to stay awake..

Sarah emailed me again.. and I struggled with even replying.. if I don't reply.. she will worry more.. if I do reply I feel like I am bothering her.. she should just forget about me and go relax. frigggg.

12 years ago..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JT!!!

I can't believe you are 12 years old now. It feels like just yesterday that you were born. You were born so small 1lb 13oz, can't remember how long you were. Just remember being told that your skin was so thin that they could see it and that you fit in the palm of your daddy's hand. You had to stay in the hospital until you got big enough to come home.

I remember when I would try to put you to bed, you never wanted to be put down. You loved being held, we had to play the same song over and over. Sometimes by Britney Spears. I think it is the only song I can stand of hers, so many great memories with it.

You are such a blessing, I couldn't imagine a world without you. You always know how to make me smile. You still love to have your back rubbed, and you try to make me sing to you. Even though I can't sing you still want it. You are a bit crazy, but I love you anyways.

You have grown up so much, I remember when I used to let you win at games. Now I'm lucky if I can convince you to let me win a game or two. Always be yourself. You always help kids that are being picked on, even if it means that you get bullied also. You put others first. You try to be the best big brother you can, and we understand if you slip up sometimes.. Being the oldest is hard.

I love you so much,

Yesterday is History

Ok.. so the first real post of 2012 will be a closure to 2011.

So much has happened.. strangely remembering a bit of it.. just not dates I guess. I don't remember exactly what I did for New Years 2011.. I think I actually babysat for Paul and Kim.

I was living at Gloria's at that time.. I think things were still ok too.

April when Gloria went to the states for a couple weeks is when things turned bad.. Ray became a complete jerk. That is when I started spending a lot of time at my sister's. I can't remember when I got my tattoo.. Maybe it was April or May.. not sure. It was around this time also that I went off my meds, I remember feeling craptastic.

End of August was VBS- which went pretty well. I think there would maybe be a few things I would change.. but I must say it went well. Sarah and I started asking teens who would be interested in going to ATF, at first the only person that really showed interest was Sam.

I think this is around the same time things at Gloria's went crazy.. I ended up going to Sarah's for a week or two while Gloria was away.- helped Brad and Sarah do the roof, it was pretty amazing. I am not big on heights so kinda had to learn to really TRUST Sarah and Brad. I really enjoyed being with them. Didn't feel so alone.

Sept I was back at Gloria's things were really rocky.. I had went to Georgian and set up classes and everything hoping to go back to school, ended up missing a lot of classes because of depression. Dropped out and spent my time searching online for new places to live.

I found a place online and it looked/sound perfect, so I emailed the person and turned out being a person I knew from school. It was perfect, and even better I got onto D.. and felt like for once things were going to be ok.

ACQUIRE THE FIRE!!!! Such an amazing experinece. We started out back in August with only really one teen interested in going, but when we left for the trip we had 4 teens and 3adults (haha yes I am an adult) I had such a great time. God really blessed us that weekend. He spoke to me.

I am having difficulties getting words out.. so I will post more later..

DUCK DUCK DUCK.. nah still a DUCK!

Not sure if I have uploaded this one yet.. but here it goes haha..

I took this photo back in 2010 I think.. and I fooled around with an editing program and personally enjoyed how it turned out..

Happy 4th Birthday Telly!

Chantel was born June 1st 2007, I remember the first time I got to hold her. She was so small, I just stood there looking into her eyes. She has grown so fast, Every moment with her is special. I love you Telly.

Finally!

I finally remember my password, to be able to blog. You know you have too many email address' when.. The past month has been crazy, things appear ok on the outside.. but on the inside I am seriously falling apart. I have spent more time at my sister's than my own house. I can't live at my place any more, I thought living away from my parents' house would help me so much.. but it isn't I feel like I am back to the same spot I was like last Sept. How do you fix something, you can't even put words too? It feels like just a feeling, its not even complete thoughts almost. I hate this I can't stand it. It looks like I have slivers in the palm of my left hand and it is taking all I have in me not to dig and pick at it, even if it starts to bleed. I want it out of there.. I don't even think they are slivers, they have been in there for months and I think I remember thinking that they were and picking at them and it wasn't slivers. Ugh.. can't find words.. sorry.